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Thursday, August 31, 2006

    does this thing still even work?

Posted by dorkalie at 12:24 pm
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Saturday, August 05, 2006

You Are 76% Abnormal
You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.
How Abnormal Are You?

Posted by dorkalie at 08:18 pm
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What to do, What to do?

Friday, July 21, 2006

I really don't have time to update this thing that much anymore, life has gotten way too busy, between company in town, going out of town, Passion Parties, the kids, the big kid I married, time to put together a coherent thought for others to read on a blog is a rare thing.  I wouldn't even consider this thought co-herent, its not yet 7am, I've only downed a half cup so far.

I've been thinking of changing this to a photoblog, most of my readers here are family and friends, but can't find a decent template out there.  I have found some great photoblog sites, with beautiful pictures and templates I'd kill to have the code for.

travis ruse

kepes vagyok


If you see the coding messed with in the next while, its just me, trying to turn this site into a wanna-be photoblogger site. 

Oh, quick update, right, the kids are having a great summer, Supergirl went up to Chad's parents for a week, had fun, played with her cousins, her first time with these grandparents without mom or dad around.  Aside from the fact that they 'forced' her to eat potato salad (her words, not mine), it was a happenin time for her. 

Carson is on a mission to eat as many fruits and veggies as possible because the only way we are going to Disneyland in June, 2007 is if he grows 1.5".  Totally doable in a little less than one year, but if it gets him to eat vegetables (even the green ones? he always asks) bonus!

Chad's having 'man time' right now with his dad, uncle, cousins.  They're fishing, doing manly things, acting primitive, except at least once, toward the end of a night of heavy drinking, they will talk about old times and tear up, they are sensitive men, especially Chad after a bottle of Crown. 

I had my car party two weeks ago, it was awesome.  I'll upload some pictures once I get this thing turned into a photoblog.


Posted by dorkalie at 06:54 am
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Update on Matthew Broderick Hunting

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I got myself all gussied up this morning, why I don't know, that right then jinxed me, if I was looking like shit I'd probably run into him at Safeway.  So anyways, I drive through town and see they are setting up to film but not filming yet, and go park in the lot across the street from the trailers, I have a perfect view of the dressing rooms that Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito are in.

Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito's trailers

I sit here for about 20 minutes and then a big ass green minivan pulls in beside me and totally ruins my view. Fat Bastard. So I pull out and drive through the main road again, and they are setting up to film in the town square in the center, bringing in clydesdale horses and what not. I did go into my favorite market where I get all of my produce on the corner and they said today was the last day of filming. I drove home and am heading back up in an hour with Carson so that I can actually walk down the main drag and be pretending to show him how cool 'Christmastown' is. When we all know I'm really there because I'm stalking Matthew Broderick and trying to use my 3 year old to do it without looking like a total dork. I found some pictures online of the set in Cloverdale. Check it out, its pretty cool!


Posted by dorkalie at 11:38 am
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Cosmos and Creamy Beavers

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Some things never change
It's been a while since I've updated...we're all moved in, but not unpacked. I've gone out of town the past two weekends on business/social visits so there are still lots of boxes and pictures to be hung, but have no fear, when its all put in place I will get some pictures up :)

We got home last night from a weekend at Chez Shelley (& Derek), and in evidence from the above photo, I'm happy to say my old friends are still as perverted as ever. We arrived at 1pm Saturday and by 4pm Shelley had already given me 2 Creamy Beavers (made with a *Magic* Bullet even, not just a bullet but a MAGIC one at that) and my cheeks were sore from laughing so hard. 

I love Shelley's Creamy Beaver

At this point my brain function kicked in and remembered I had to work that night, so I slowed down and had Chad bring in my Wares and set up the table.  Can I just say how much I love to do couples parties?  At the beginning the guys are all loud and talkative, until I tell them I have the tools to get them more blowjobs, then they shut up and listen up.  They know that I have important shit to say, and when I say my shit, they nod in agreement and go 'uh huh' and the first thing on their order sheet is the product that makes their wives be MORE WILLING to give more blowjobs.  Needless to say, I sold the wonderproduct to everyone, 6 couples and over $1000 in orders.  Gotta love those small towns with no sex shops! 

One of the highlights to the weekend was not only seeing Shelley and Derek but meeting their friends, who are all incredibly funny and know how to have a good time.   Their neighbors across the street were awesome, I wish I had a picture of Maya, because she freaking rocks.  I would guess she is in her late 50's, she drives the school buzz (to transport the 67 children that attend the elementary) .  I say school buzz because it has to be a BUZZ to be on her bus. She looks all normal and conservative, except for the piercing she has IN HER NOSE because the kids on the  school bus dared her to.  Can you believe that shit?  How cool is Maya!  We eagerly left her in charge of our children after only an hour of meeting her, and she wouldn't take any money, although I did slip her a 'magic bullet' of my own ;)

We also met Tara and Cam, Cam is an officer of the law and our sure fire hit to get out of any future speeding tickets I may get.  (My 12 year streak of no tickets EVER was over a week ago Friday thanks to my friend jinxing me.)  We didn't get him drunk enough because he never put his uniform on (he said he would) nor did he arrest us (which would have been a perk.)

I met quite a few other friendly people, my favorite being a gal who thought I was TWENTY TWO!  22!  Can you believe that?  I just turned 31.  I love her. 

In the meantime, we are home, still need to unpack.  I did take a couple of photos the other day but haven't uploaded them yet, maybe I'll get to that later today.  Later today, because this morning, I am going hunting for Matthew Broderick.   They are filming a movie with him and Danny DeVito in Cloverdale here, Chad saw them on the corner filming, he was 20 feet from Matthew Broderick!  Oh I had the biggest crush on him as a young girl.  Maybe I should slip him some catalogues for him and SJP, they seem like they have a normal, monogamous marriage compared to hollywood standards, they could probably use a little spice in their lives :)

Posted by dorkalie at 09:30 am
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Life is beautiful.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

About this time 3 years ago I went back to work after having Carson. I had worked or gone to school since Riley was 5 months old. It was a lot easier for me to head into the workforce after having her, with the way our schedules were, we both worked full time yet she was only with the sitter (a good friend who was great with kids and loved them so much I probably could have talked her into paying me to watch my little Porcelain Doll) for 15-20 hours a week. When I returned after having Carson, he went to a nice lady who I met through high recommendations, who had a licensed home daycare, and he was there for 40 hours every week. I was looking forward to going back to work, to adult conversation, to the foccacia grilled chicken sandwich with curried mayo and mango chutney I would always get at our lunches at Moxies. Now its 7am and I'm craving a bellini. I'll blame it on the move.

Also, at this time, Riley was 6 years old. She knew I would be there by 5:30 pm, all Carson knew was his mommy abandoned him and wasn't there when he cried out for her, a strange lady with bright red hair was coming instead.

The first time I had to drop off my baby for 10 hours was also the first time my heart broke into a million pieces. Every day that I had to drop him off it would happen again. I would see my kids for 2.5 hours every night, 5 days a week.  They aren't babies forever.  I wanted what so many of us want, a few more hours in the day, more time.

When I was at work, all I would do was think about my little Fry Guy. I was miserable. I wanted to get home and crawl into bed wtih my kiddos and snuggle them until we repeated the cycle the next day. I had never wanted to be a SAHM, I wanted to have everything, the career, the family, and balance it all perfectly. At this point in my life, fuck the job, I just wanted my babies. So, on Fathers Day morning, we were lying in bed, and Chad told me for Fathers Day he wanted me to quit my job, that our house wasn't the same anymore, and my kids needed their mom at home.

How lucky was I?

Three months later we were extremely broke and I was a bit bored. I looked into ways to make money from home, I could design simple web pages, nothing fancy, and had no desire to watch children as was recommended to me by so many people. (Why? I have no idea, I'm totally not a kid person. Sure, I love my kids to death, but other peoples kids? Every day? Oh hell no. Why is it that if you're a SAHM people automatically assume you want to watch other children?) I thought about direct marketing companies, but was unsure. When I was 22 I had signed up to become a consultant for a very popular candle company. It was hard to do anything with it because everyone and their Grandma had already had a party, and I couldn't think of how I could possibly stand up in front of a room and talk about candles and candle holders and candle scents and convince people to spend their hard earned money on a $50 freaking candle holder. But, my friends and my family bought the $50 candle holders with the $12 tealights because they supported me in trying to make a bit of extra cash. I knew there was money to be made in direct sales, but I knew I couldn't do it with candles. Back then, 9 years ago now, I told myself that if there was ever a new direct sales company coming to Canada, that already had done awesome in the states, I wanted to get on that bandwagon. And for the past 9 years I've been watching direct sales companies, you all know the big names, and those women who were at the top, they were just average women like me, who happened to get in at the right time. I know there are lots of women who could get into any business and make it succeed, but I'm not one of those women, I don't like to be pushy, I don't want someone to be unhappy with their purchase, nor feel pressured to buy it.

I started to think about adult home party plans and researched them. One in particular was always on the news because of a consultant arrested for selling vibes, and thought, that sounds like the perfect company for me. I liked the company because it wasn't taudry, it was a little bit naughty, but never nasty, and promoted relationships and education, not fetish and kink.  I researched the crap out of it, figured out what the average consultant was making, looked at how much they had grown in the past 3 years, and signed up.

OK, it wasn't that simple. First, I had to come up with $400 for the start up kit. It took 3 months to save that chunk of change. I also had to convince my husband it was a good idea. My friends, they all said 'OMG YOU WOULD BE SO PERFECT FOR THAT', my husband rolled his eyes at the thought and avoided the subject. Three weeks after first approaching him on the subject he said to me one night, 'when you demo the products, you don't actually have to 'DEMO THE PRODUCTS' do you?' Oh how I laughed. I don't know if I was laughing harder at the fact that he actually thought I'd have to literally show women how a vibrator worked, or that for three weeks this was going over and over in his mind, and he was trying to figure out exactly how liberal he was. I assured him that no, these sorts of activities don't happen at the parties, he was all gung ho on the vibrator train. When my kit came he declared himself Head of Marketing and Research.

I plodded away for 9 months or so, slowly plugging my business, but not doing much, expecting everything to fall into my lap, because, hello, I sell vibrators! I am THE HOOK UP, PEOPLE!

The summer of 2004 we looked at our finances and my healed heart started to crack again knowing that if I didn't pull my shit together, in September I would have to head back to work or we'd be bankrupt. It was Carsons second birthday, August 4, 2004, and I recommited myself to my business.  I worked it like a job, not a hobby, every day.

In April of 2005 I became the third Executive Director with the company in Canada. The other two ladies who made ED did it in the same month as me, and we were so happy to have Canada represent finally. We were putting our name on the map.

While I truly do love my business, and the fact that I am making more money than I did at my well paid salary job, I still started to wonder, how is this supposed to tie into my life? Why am I here? What is my purpose? I'm not religious by any means, but I watch enough Oprah and Dr. Phil to know that if you want to be happy and successful you need to find out what it is you really love to do and do it. I know I love my job, but wasn't sure how it tied into the bigger picture.

A few years ago I had a realization. Women can be bitches, we are catty, mean, competitive, really, only a woman can become worst enemies with her best friend. Women see another woman who, in their eyes, is prettier, thinner, has more money, and immediately they start tearing her apart. I've been guilty of it myself on numerous occassions. I am a woman.

So then I thought, what would this world be like, if, instead of tearing each other down, we started to build each other up? Women, listen up, we could rule the world if we stuck together. RULE THE WORLD! Half of the shit going on on this planet right now wouldn't be happening if there were more women in power.

I realize now, this is my passion (ironically enough heh heh). I love going to my parties, and telling the ladies there intimate things that can happen with their own anatomy, really, it surprised me at how little some women know about their own bodies. I'm here to tell you, ladies, YOU HAVE A GSPOT! EVERY WOMAN HAS A GSPOT! Do you pee? Yes? Then your gspot is alive and well and waiting for you to come say hello. When I'm talking about these very personal details of their lives with these women, they come alive. Everyone is laughing and joking and some even openly telling stories, some sharing things they've never told another living soul to me in the confidential ordering room. And they walk out of that party feeling connected to the other women in the room, and feeling empowered. Some of these women are finding out what empowerment means for the first time. And I tell them all my little theory about women taking over the universe, and how much stronger we are than we think, and whether they buy products, decide to host a party, become a consultant, they each find a bit more of their inner strength just by opening up and letting down their guard at the party. And hopefully, the next time one of the ladies I've talked to sees another woman with a flatter belly or a nicer handbag, instead of mentally ripping her to shreds, hopefully she'll walk up to her and give her a compliment on being so fit, or having a great sense of style. No matter how thin or how fancy our handbags are, it's always nice to hear it, especially when its sincere and genuine.

My not-so-little Dildo Army now has over 102 'Privates' (hahaha, I couldn't resist that LOL), off selling their own wares, starting their own army, a few already have large armies of their own. There were 10 of us from my team in Vegas, and when we talked about women and empowerment we all got excited, in fact thats basically what the convention was, 3000 women empowering each other and themselves. It was truly awesome.

Yesterday another big first happened in Canada. The first Car Bonus Allowance was achieved by a Canadian. To achieve the car bonus your team has to do $36,000 a month for 4 months in a row. Yesterday, the lucky Canadian who happened to be the first to get to this level was me. ME! And the reason I was able to achieve this is because of the women on my team who share the same viewpoints as me. Women.Help.Women. My team rocks the hizzouse.

Huge party being planned...details to follow.

This morning as I was starting to write this, it was 7:25 am and I set Lola on the coffee table and crept down the hallway, whispered into Rileys room, '5 more minutes, then its time to get up for school', and thought back to when I was working, and waking her at 6am to get her and Carson to daycare so I could get to work by 8am. As I was walking back down the hallway, the creak in the floor woke up Carson, who came and cuddled with me on the couch for 5 minutes before we started on our day. Riley lounged around, eating Cheerios while watching tv, nothing hurried about her. We were slowly enjoying our non rushed morning, as we do every morning. Because we have that one thing that so many people want more of.



Posted by dorkalie at 09:44 am
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Sunday, May 28, 2006

From Brandii

1. What's in the glove box of your car?  insurance, registration, car manual, stereo manual, maps, catalogues and business info to give out, febreeze

2. Favorite classes in college (or high school): Social Studies, History, World Civilization

3. Shampoo brand:Recently switched to Dove (I love their new campaign and have started using a lot of Dove products to support their campaign....I have to say the daily cleanser with exfoliating beads has made my skin look pretty good)

4. Favorite piece of furniture you own: My bed,  and its going to look great on the hardwood floors at our new place (the bed is wrought iron)

5. Idea of a really good first date: something fun, a concert or carnival type thing

6. Favorite fruit: soft, juicy peaches in the summer mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

7. Pick a passage from a favorite book:Politically Correct Bedtime Stories by James Finn Garner...Red Riding Hood shrieked, not at the Wolfs apparent tendency towards cross dressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.  (this is the only passage to any story not written by Dr. Seuss that I know off hand)

8. What would you eat for dinner if it were your last night on Earth? The meal isn't what would be important, the company at the dinner would.

9. Free will or destiny? both, you create your own destiny with free will

10. What would you sing at karaoke? A friend has a karaoke machine, when we drink I always want to sing Rockin Around The Christmas Tree (and now whenever I sing it I have to sing Later we'll have some fucken pie and we'll do some caroling thanks to <a href="http://saintvodkaofthemartini.blogspot.com/">
Jay</a> ...oooh did you see? Friday Fuckfest is back!  Yay!

11. Sweater or Sweatshirt? Sweatshirt

12. Paris, NYC, Tokyo, or Rio de Janeiro? NYC, always wanted to go there, I want to spend a week just walking around the city, it seems fabulous.

13. What do you wear to bed usually? Pajama pants and a tshirt

14. If you dyed your hair, what color would you dye it? I get blond highlights and lowlights put in it now.

15. If you went back to school, what would you study? History, with a few creative writing classes thrown in on the side to get the juices flowing again.  I really miss how much I used to write and create stories and poems when I was a kid.

16. Gum or mints?Gum

17. Recurring nightmares? No, I did as a kid after reading Silver Bullet by Steven King, or maybe it was called Cycle of the Werewolf?  I don't remember, it was turned into a movie with Corey Haim and one is the movies name, one is the books name.  To this day I can't stand Steven King, although this past year I did watch The Stand and it was a great movie, started reading the book, got about 2/3 through it and it just lost me, I haven't finished it yet.  Oh, the dream was I the werewolf came and killed my mom and sister and I was hiding in the top corner of my closet and just as the werewolf was about to grab me I woke up.  I seriously hate any and all werewolf type shows, and I absolutely cannot sit through An American Werewolf in London, although I have seen An Amereican Werewolf in Paris and aside from hiding behind a pillow during the werewolf scenes it is an amusing movie. 

/end longwindedness

18. Age and location of first kiss? Easy peasy, I was 12, it was on a picnic bench beside Sheridan Lake in the early afternoon.  I fell in love, and ended up marrying the guy 11 years later, everybody all together now say...awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

19. Describe your favorite pair of shoes: right now its a pair I bought in Vegas, they have a small heel, maybe half inch, black mules with glitter all over them.  I have gotten to wear them twice since the big night in Vegas, they can really glam up a pair of jeans, oh I can't wait to unpack those gems.

20. What movie/TV character do you feel like you relate to most? Hmmm....I guess a cross of Lynette and Susan from Desperate Housewives, Lynette always has to be in control and in charge, yet often feels like she's not, and Susans flakiness and always trying to do the right thing but going about it the wrong way.

21. First CD purchase: I really can't remember.  I know my first casette tapes I bought were U2 The Joshua Tree and Samantha Fox, whatever tape Touch Me was on,  I bought them both the same day, I was 12.

22. First concert: Colin James

23. Do you like camping? For 2 nights only if we're tenting, I can do a week in a cabin.

24. If you were doomed to be mauled to death by an animal, what animal would you prefer that to be? Um, I DON'T KNOW!!!!  What kind of effed up meme is this anyway?  I just know I wouldn't want it to be a shark or bear.  Wait, it would be quick then.  OK, I don't care, as long as it came up and got me from behind so I didn't know and it was really fucking fast!

25. Do you/would you own a gun? No.  No. (although I do feel pretty powerful when shooting a paintball gun)

26. What religion would you like to know more about: Catholicism, its always fascinated me, the traditions, saying a hail mary and being cleansed of your sins (what is a hail mary anyways?) the churches are so beautiful.  I could never be Catholic, if I was raised that way I would have been one of those Catholic Girls Gone Wild.

27. Favourite food as a kid: My moms lasagna

28. How many languages do you speak? English, a bit of french (if its spoken slowly LOL)

29. If you were a natural disaster, would you be a tornado, hurricane, or earthquake?

30. If you could make one state in the US just go away, which would it be?
Since I'm Canadian, I'm turning this to a Canada question and will say with no doubt QUEBEC!  Fucking seperate!  Be your own country!  BU-BYE! 

31. How many prescriptions do you take? Currently, none.

32. Lake or ocean? Ocean, fo sho, but I will not swim in it, only in lakes.

33. What is the worst lie you've ever told to get out of work, (and don't say you've never lied to get out of work, because that, my friend, is a lie and you know it)? Our car was broken down and I was pregnant with Cman, it was a good 4 day job, I had no way to get to work and back, a taxi would have cost $100 a day, so I said I was having pregnancy complications and on bedrest.  I still feel guilty about it!

34. Do you carry a backpack, a satchel or "man bag", tote bag, brief case, or a backpack on wheels? A messenger style purse

35. Have you ever been arrested/cited for anything other than traffic violations? Never (phew...only by luck!)

36. Would you ever move for/with a significant other? As long as it wasn't to move to his hometown, I'd go anywhere with him.

37. What was the weirdest thing you had to dissect for biology? A sheeps eye, the lens inside bounced off the walls.  Ewe.

38. Would you ever consider spending some time at a nudist colony? No.Thanks.

39. Best thing you can cook? Sticky Chicken, my sister in laws Italian Chicken, roast (but not as good as my mom)

40. If you were going to donate 1000 dollars to a charity, what would that be? Anything to help Sudan/Darfur.

Posted by dorkalie at 12:51 pm
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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I moved so much when I was growing up I developed a love for it.  I have a routine that I go through each time I move, the first box I always pack is my shotglass collection, and I slowly move my way around the house, packing what I don't need and leaving out things I'll use before we move.  Right now I'm at the horribly disorganized phase, where most of the things I have to pack are things I still need, yet moving day is getting closer.  *sigh* I can't wait to get out of here! 

This week has also been one full of bad news.  My friend that I was looking so forward to watching her grow and change as she entered motherhood has lost her baby just as she was finishing up the third trimester.  We've been talking about all the baby clothes and maternity clothes I have in my storage, and Friday morning I was just getting ready to enter the completely unorganized storage spot and start going through everything so I could get her the baby stuff out when the phone rang.  She had just gotten home from her ultrasound and the baby stopped growing 4-5 weeks prior.  It was very sad, and after talking to her I went and pulled out the old crib mattress in front of the storage and the first thing that falls out is a bag of baby clothes.  Losing a baby is such a different thing for each person who goes through it, and even when its your best friend its hard to know what to say.  But it is easy to know what to bring over when you go to cheer her up later that night....booze.

I also got a message from one of my old friends in SeaTown.  His dad died last month.  I'm so sorry for Kris and his family, his dad was an amazing man, he always made me laugh when I was over there, which was A LOT when we were 'kids'.   It was a sudden heartattack, one of those things where you don't get the chance to say goodbye.  

This weekend is my 31st birthday.  We aren't partying hard like we did last year with the biggest party in the history of Cloverdale (ok, maybe it wasn't...), but every year on the weekend of my birthday the Cloverdale Rodeo takes place and this little cow town turns into one big party.  Friday night I am taking the kids to the fair and on rides while Chad is at work, Saturday morning we hit the parade at 10am, then in the afternoon over to Steve and Ang's for a bbq then possibly the beer gardens later.  Sunday Riley has dance for 4 hours because she is in the May Day Parade in Fort Langley with her dance troop. 


This weekend is going to ROCK.

By the way, its 9am and already 20 degrees outside.  We hit 30 yesterday and will no doubt do it again today.  Off to The Mothership for a new sprinkler.

Posted by dorkalie at 08:48 am
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I should be packing

Monday, May 08, 2006

instead I'm watching The View, which is going to rock the hizzouse when Rosie O'Donnell becomes a co-host and beats the living shit out of Star Jones. 

Yep, their ratings are going to go WAY UP!

It's been a crazy few weeks here, business is going well, the kids are doing great (Supergirl is practicing for her dance recital next month....it will be cute-a-liscious), and excited about their new home.  The current owners (who are out May 31st), were kind enough to let us bring the kids by on Saturday so they could see their new rooms, etc.  Cmans room is already painted a nice shade of blue, but Supergirls is a horrid peach.  She's into lime green right now and tinkerbell, so we're painting her walls lime green on the bottom with a tinkerbell type border then white on top.  She has $100 in birthday money that we're going to spend at the mothership, I mean Wal-Mart, to decorate her room.  She wants her room to look like a young ladies room, not a little girls room, her words. 

If you'd like to see our new house, email me at dorkalie at gmail dot com and I'll send you the mls link :)  I'm not posting it here that's for damn sure.

Posted by dorkalie at 10:49 am
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I am SO happy!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Can't you tell by looking at that pic to the left?  No?  You can't see me jumping with glee in it?  Well, I do look rather melancholy, I just wanted a good snap of my new hairdo, with bangs.  I vow this summer to get a better picture, and I'll try to somehow bring Jack Skellington into it as well.  You know, cuz he's hot and shit.

Posted by dorkalie at 08:12 am
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